I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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