Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
