Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
