Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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