I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize