I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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