As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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