He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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