I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
