The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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