Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
