wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
