I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
