Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she pinky promised me she was 18
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
