Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
