Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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