I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
