he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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