I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
