Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
