Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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