girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
