I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
