sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
