No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
