dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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