If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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