my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I supernannyed him into submission
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
