there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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