You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
