dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
