Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
