Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
