you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize