He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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