he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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