why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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