Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
