We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
