my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
