I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
