I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
