You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
