How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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