I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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