he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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