Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
