he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
