I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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