Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
