He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
