sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
