there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
