if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
