so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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