I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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