my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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