I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
