yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
