you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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