i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
