I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
