ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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