apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
