dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
