Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
