So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
