Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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