I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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