i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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