God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
