we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
