What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
