Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
